First off, Thank you for coming by to read my latest post. But I have a elephant in the room that I must discuss so, I can move forward with this blog and my faith walk.
The Issue At Hand (The Elephant)
I have the issue of starting with strong zeal and then burning out quickly and the issue is I have a strong issue of not completing what I start.
This blog is an example of such I had over 400 followers and a lot of content but I had noticed the content was going off base of what my goal for this blog was at the time. So, I deleted the content. At that time frame over 300 posts were “deleted” when I decided to delete the published content. I have struggled since then gaining the momentum to be consistent with publishing content. I started to gain the momentum of website traffic and then I lose the interest to keep going with this blog.
I believe I know Where This Issue Stems From
When I was a young boy my dad would get drunk every day after work and drill into my head that I was nothing more than a failure and if I failed at anything I got beat for that failure. This in-return drove a fear in me to not fail… But we can not avoid failure so now what?
I found myself running because I felt, I was failing at keeping up with providing fresh meaningful content and I was also feeling I was letting the readers down with the mediocre content I was posting and then it compiled also with the negative saying my dad use to drill into my head daily “Son you will never mount up to anything because no one cares to hear your stupid ideas” this phrase being on repeat in my head caused me to feel like I couldn’t escape the mistakes I felt I was making with this blog. So, I ran and buried the Inadequacy I was feeling.
It has taken this past year to deal with the inadequate feeling I was trying to bury that stemmed from childhood abuse that implanted fear within my mind compiled with the negativity I felt towards myself. it wasn’t an easy task at all. But, one day I was faced with dealing with the issue at hand of not making a wise decision. I knew better and went against my better judgement because I didn’t have the confidence to repair the item myself and I cost my girlfriend and a family member thousands of dollars and ended up having to fix the persons work because their repair work failed and my girlfriend Ana was left with their failed repair and an costly repair again to repair that persons poor work ethics that lead to even more repairs.
We blew through the repair budget and didn’t have much money left for repairs so I had no choice at this point I had to man up and do the work myself or Ana, was going to be cited by the city. I didn’t want this to happen so I put forth the effort to jump right in and tear apart the persons work and repair their failed work on the front of Ana’s house…
I didn’t know what I was doing beyond basic knowledge so I turned to YouTube and started to learn what I could in a short time frame. I actually learned more from just completing the work with many failures before I completed the work 100%
Those constant failures got me to re-look how failure is not just “failure” but opportunities to improve. Because of the situation I was force to jump into the repair work no matter what. In the long run I faced many failures but those failures built my confidence and I ended up completing a finished repair job that was better than the person I hired even though they did this kinda of work daily. It was because I had heart to not cut corners I just wanted to right my wrong for hiring this person that took us to the cleaners with the money it cost us to hire such handy-person to complete the repair.
I know now to not give into the fear of inadequacy and to make a wise decision by seeking God first before I hastily jump into situations.
Continue Reading, Part 2
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