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In the previous post I spoke how the house repairs forced me to re-look how I viewed failure and this in return helped to me face the elephant that stared me down… Which was the inner me, self sabotaging everything because my fear of failing.
I knew deep down I needed to conquer this massive elephant in my life, but how did this relate to my faith walk with God and relation to how I interact with blogging Christian content for God?
The Set Up Stage To The Life Changes
As I mentioned I feared failure and the rejection I received growing up from my dad seeing me as a failure. The fear of (failure & rejection) caused me to try treading on safe ground. This aspect was an internal protection mechanism but, I was blinded by the foolishness of believing I was actually protecting myself. I say this because I was actually harming myself because If I sensed failure in my life I would begin to think reject-ful thoughts towards myself.
What I learned From Failing A lot During The Repair Process
When I faced repairing the front of the house and the thought riding my mind I just paid a lot of money to have the issue fixed and now I was above my knowledge level of repairing the front of the house myself. Like I mentioned I did watch YouTube videos but I was still in the deep zone. I had no choice I had the strip the handy persons work and start fresh to repair the front of the house and because I was beyond knowing how. I, ended up spending even more money during the learning curve.
Because I didn’t understand how to fix the house issue right away I ended up making plenty of mistakes and those mistakes cost me extra cost. I was so frustrated that I felt defeated and I went to take a nap and I said to the Lord I don’t know what I am doing my life is such a mess because of not seeking you Lord, during the process of hiring the handy person.
God provided the following scripture to encourage me through the process.
“26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26″
After my nap I went back to working on the repair and said to the Lord Matthew 19:26 states through you I can complete this work. So I stepped back and look at the job site and started to study the surroundings I begin to see where I was going wrong and if I didn’t have those previous failure moments than I would have not seek’d God because I would have completed the repair and moved on.
The Failures Built My Confidence
All the previous failures during the repair opened me up to seeking God and then God showed me where I was overthinking the matter. This caused me to meditate on how I view the aspect of failure and I begun to notice if I could complete this hard repair with God’s help the blog aspect was no different.
Repair Mistakes Cause Me To Rethink Blogging
As I was repairing the house I began to think where was I making mistakes blogging and I realized that I was blogging to feel accomplished instead of completing the task God entrusted me with. My worship to God was broken and I needed to fix this issue quickly but that fix quickly turned into many months.
I say this because God had to help me deal with the inner me and help me deal with the aspect of how I was afraid of rejection and failure. Now that I’m healed from those emotional aspects I’m now more free to just write for God and not be concerned with feeling accomplished of my own work. I say this because if the post didn’t receive much traffic or likes then I automatically viewed it as a failed post and the negative thoughts begin to take place in my mind.
I Now Seek God First Before I write
I now look to God for guidance to find topics to write about most content here is based off my life experiences and before the healing I was too shy to share those experiences and now I’m not because I seek God’s approval over mankind’s approval… This habit change has enriched me to be more open minded when it comes to writing and this aspect alone with help from God enrich the content and hopefully will help others now that I am less shy to be open about my walk with God.
My plans are to take the life lessons I learn through God and share them here with God allowing so, others can be helped as well with their faith-walk.
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