I Must Apologize

Let Faith Be The Drive That thrives you through the chaos

Quoted By (R.E.I.G.N) Author of Soulja of Hope

I felt ashamed that I fell into depression that spiraled my walk with God out of control… I say this because as the depression set in I allowed it to drive my faith away from God to the point the negative thoughts begin to overtake my mind.

I am not writing about this for pity or attention I am writing about this because other Souljaz of God as well, become affected by the elements I became affected by through the schemes and attacks the devil brought forth through the aspect that with my free will did nothing to correct the issue.

My depression come about because my anger towards God because things were not going the way I wanted or the time frame I felt it should have been done. I was wanting God to move on the situation like right now and facing the hardship that I am still currently facing the Holy Spirit said to me.

“Child of the most high king, Soulja Up, God has your back and He see’s all aspects of the situation and is working it out according to His perfect will. Child, God’s timing is perfect for a reason.

Soulja Fam, I must apologize because I allowed my flesh side get the best of me, I allowed my flesh side of me rule my mind over giving God’s word the option to renew my mind. I became depressed because I got wrapped up in my feelings verses relying on God’s word. I am thankful God has provided me a platform to be open with realness but my flesh got in the way and I became depressed because I felt God had abandon me but this by far wasn’t true I just didn’t like the fact God wasn’t moving on my timing.

Yes I am a Christian but I am far from perfect and the stigma is most Christians have the appearance their life doesn’t stink and that they are above everyone else. This is just NOT truth. Christians are broken like the rest of the people in this world, It is just that most individuals that claim they are Christians try to hide the brokenness…

Our human carnal minds can fall towards the fallible aspects of this world it takes true integrity to admit to this aspect instead of continuing down the path of trying to hide it. I must admit because I became angry towards God which lead into depression because, my free will to ignore God, drove me away from sharing here on this blog because the shame I embarked upon because of my disobedience relying on God’s Word instead of going the route of my way or the highway.

My goal here on this blog is to share the realness of aspects of an active Christian is much bigger than myself and God showed me that my pity party that started because God said no must wait upon His timing affected me in a way that drove me away from posting because I was feeling like throwing in the towel.

I know deep down that living for God is not about being self centered and yet I fell because I lost my focus with God. The lesson I have learned from this is never not even for a second take your focus of Jesus because the devil is right there waiting to make the matter worse with his cunning ways.

My Hopes are by sharing this that others will become to notice that being an on fire Christian for God doesn’t block the elements of falling and it is not about the amount of times of falling because the true strength comes from learning and standing back up and push forward no matter what.

Let Faith Be The Drive That
thrives you through the chaos

Quoted By (R.E.I.G.N) Author of Soulja of Hope

Join 456 other followers


  1. R.E.I..G.N. Your apology is accepted. It is so easy to be self centered rather than have a session of praise and worship to God. We are in a season where He is no longer letting us do what we did in the past. His love for us never fails and we are called higher.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s