Hello Soulja Nation, a few posts ago I created a category called Journal… God showed me it would be beneficial for me to reflect but also for the readers to see the word of God transform a person wanting the transformation and the life aspects that come bout from transformation of the Word of God.
Recently I wrote a 2 part post about Soulja of Hope, (part 1) (part 2) and while writing those posts I got to reflecting what God had brought me through. But via this post I will write about the reflection deeper for deeper context. Truly I do believe that Yahweh was there the whole time I just couldn’t see it at times because the blinders I allowed to be put in place.
My Younger Years
Many already know Ana, is my high school sweet heart. I broke up with Ana, when she was 17 and pregnant with our son. I was 16 back then, I deeply hurt Ana emotionally, the way I broke up with her back then and I didn’t care either because of my harden heart back then. I was gang banging and I was down for the gang cause and Ana, saw me 2 weeks after I broke up with her and she said to me R3ign, God loves you and I still love you. I want you to know I will NOT give up praying for you to come out of the gang life because your soldier mindset is misguided.
by the time I was 18 I step back away from the gang life and became feeling lost like my life didn’t matter and at that time frame I was already feeling like a nobody because of the abuse I endured growing up. By 2011 I was in my 30s by now, I became a Christian but spent from 2012 through 2019 with a hot and cold relationship with Yahweh.
2018 My Life Was A Mess
By 2018 I was facing a divorce because my now ex-wife was cheating on me and I tried to reconcile the marriage but she wasn’t down for it. So, we broke up and I ended up getting a divorce… During the year of 2018 I was facing homelessness and I ran into Ana, via the public bus system. I and Ana, by now had been separated for 22 years but Ana, asked me how life was treating me and I said not so well. I explained to Ana, my life was a mess and I was full of hatred and anger because of my life being a mess. Winter was approaching and Ana, said I have an extra room you can rent to get back on your feet.
The first day I was at Ana’s home I broke down and cried and asked for forgiveness for what I had done years prior to Ana,… Ana, told me it was okay and that she forgave me. Ana, also told me that off and on for 22 years she prayed God would capture my attention and help me with my misguided soldier mindset. I felt shame sitting there listening to Ana, because I hurt her really bad emotionally and she was praying for me. A true prayer warrior I tell you. 😊
I asked Ana why would she even consider praying that long off and on and she simply said to me God had shown her, that no Soulja on the battlefield should be left behind. Ana, also said she knew she couldn’t change me but She knows Yahweh and His powers can change me if I was willing to allow His powers and His living Word the opportunity to transform me. I was amazed by her faith.
By February 2018 I filed for divorce and by April 2018 divorce was granted same day as I attended court. The clerk called us both up before the court hearing started and had noticed our court case was the only case from 2018 the rest were from 2017 because court back logging issues. Then the clerk said to me you must know someone higher up and I replied I do His name is Yahweh and the clerk smiled then relooked at my case and said I believe you because there is no extra paperwork where a higher court official signed off on the case to push it this fast. Then the clerk said to us both if, both parties are in agreement you can sign this paper to waive the 21 days and become divorced today if granted we both signed and I became a divorced man walking out of the court room.
After some time went by being divorced I asked Ana, if she would consider dating again because I really missed her over the years… To my surprise she said Yes and she also said to me at the time she had a major stroke 5 years prior and the stroke took her ability to read. Ana, desired to know Yahweh but that issue of reading got in the way so I said I would read the bible to her and teach her. (Extra content) I and Ana’s song below.
As time pressed onward after the divorce my ex-wife became jealous of my and Ana’s relationship so my ex-wife started trouble through a lie campaign against me… My ex-wife got ahold of Ana, and told Ana, I was cheating on Ana, with my ex-wife. Unfortunately Ana, started to have flash backs of when we were teenagers and how we broke up then because of my cheating ways back then… Ana, had a hard time believing me and we ended up breaking up. I truly became very angered by this aspect and I asked God to vindicate me because it was truly lies but the lies kept coming and I felt abandon by God. Here I am divorced with a woman I spent 19 years with and now I lost Ana, as my girlfriend as well.
Life couldn’t get any worse at least I thought. About 2 weeks after Ana, took me back we rode the public transit system and while waiting for the bus a man I knew through my ex-wife pulled out a knife with my back turned towards him and he threw his arm forward and just as I felt the tip of knife on my back the mans friend pulled him back stating I don’t care if you know that man leave him alone he has done nothing to you and doesn’t deserve to be stabbed about 1 minute later our bus came and I was shook to the core. I and Ana, considered getting off at the next bus stop to walk back to the bus stop to call the cops but I could clearly see the man was having a rough day and I decided to have mercy and let the matter go because no blood was drawn.
Hours later I and Ana, were at the mall and we sat down and talked and Ana, said R3ign I noticed when you make bold moves for Yahweh bad things happen like this. Ana, also stated she noticed a pattern. I got to thinking about what Ana, said I started to reflect deeply and I too, started to notice a pattern as well. Clearly satan was afraid because I was growing stronger towards Yahweh and this meant only one aspect to satan the stronger the relationship between I and Yahweh grew the more stronger my calling would become so satan was trying to take me out early before that happen.
2019 I decided My life was Too Messy To Serve Yahweh
Early onward during 2019 the anger and bitterness got the best of me and I started to fall away from God and then I would find myself crawling back at this time frame the website was called Soulja 4 Christ and I was faking my faith walk with Yahweh and Ana, approached me asking did I believe God was happy with what I was doing by mid 2019 God approached me pleading for me to change but I ignored Yahweh’s request then 2 weeks before 2020 Yahweh approached me and said enough is enough you can read about it in part 1 of the 2 part post.
It is Now 2020
Since January 2020 I have been working hard to not fall back into my old lifestyle and covid happen igniting my calling that God told me about a little during 2018. I would say 2020 has been the hardest year for me because as I make bold moves for the Kingdom of Yahweh the devil has been trying to stop me. A few months back just before covid I was crossing at the crosswalk with Ana, we had the right away and a car showed up real fast and blew through the stop sign I pushed Ana towards the other end of the street and she screamed Jesus protect my boyfriend.
The car was moving even faster by now and when the car got close to me the driver pressed the brake but the car was taking to long to stop. But as the car came within 1 inch of my knee cap the car had stopped like it hit an invisible brick wall the people pumping gas at the gas station witnessed the matter and some of those individuals said that is not possible for the car to stop like that the car should have hit you then stopped about 3 feet away according to how physics work. I simply said Jesus Christ has the power to make the impossible possible and those individuals were left scratching their heads as the car speeded off. Between the attempted stabbing and the car event it is truly Yahweh why I am here writing this post. An extra tidbit about Ana, noticing a pattern with satan just moments before the car event I was talking to a stranger at the gas station and I lead that person to Jesus Christ by spending time talking with them and leading them through a repent prayer, Oh I bet the devil hated that aspect of my obedience.
My final Words
Here it is May, 5 months into 2020 and I am not the person I was even 1 yr ago and I do believe months from now I will be even more different for I can sense healing and changes taking place within. Most of my life I spent thinking God (Yahweh) hated me and yet even throughout life even when I was deep in sin God loved me and protected me. I am excited to see what God has instore for this website via content but more importantly I am real excited out of obedience unto Yahweh to be a part of a life movement that truly can transform a persons life. I say this because I am living proof of that aspect especially when an individual like myself accepts those lifestyle changes through the living Word of God.