Reflection Of Who I Was And Who I am Now

R3ign Reflecting In Thought

Hello Soulja Nation, a few posts ago I created a category called Journal… God showed me it would be beneficial for me to reflect but also for the readers to see the word of God transform a person wanting the transformation and the life aspects that come bout from transformation of the Word of God.

Recently I wrote a 2 part post about Soulja of Hope, (part 1) (part 2) and while writing those posts I got to reflecting what God had brought me through. But via this post I will write about the reflection deeper for deeper context. Truly I do believe that Yahweh was there the whole time I just couldn’t see it at times because the blinders I allowed to be put in place.

My Younger Years

Many already know Ana, is my high school sweet heart. I broke up with Ana, when she was 17 and pregnant with our son. I was 16 back then, I deeply hurt Ana emotionally, the way I broke up with her back then and I didn’t care either because of my harden heart back then. I was gang banging and I was down for the gang cause and Ana, saw me 2 weeks after I broke up with her and she said to me R3ign, God loves you and I still love you. I want you to know I will NOT give up praying for you to come out of the gang life because your soldier mindset is misguided.

by the time I was 18 I step back away from the gang life and became feeling lost like my life didn’t matter and at that time frame I was already feeling like a nobody because of the abuse I endured growing up. By 2011 I was in my 30s by now, I became a Christian but spent from 2012 through 2019 with a hot and cold relationship with Yahweh.

2018 My Life Was A Mess

By 2018 I was facing a divorce because my now ex-wife was cheating on me and I tried to reconcile the marriage but she wasn’t down for it. So, we broke up and I ended up getting a divorce… During the year of 2018 I was facing homelessness and I ran into Ana, via the public bus system. I and Ana, by now had been separated for 22 years but Ana, asked me how life was treating me and I said not so well. I explained to Ana, my life was a mess and I was full of hatred and anger because of my life being a mess. Winter was approaching and Ana, said I have an extra room you can rent to get back on your feet.

The first day I was at Ana’s home I broke down and cried and asked for forgiveness for what I had done years prior to Ana,… Ana, told me it was okay and that she forgave me. Ana, also told me that off and on for 22 years she prayed God would capture my attention and help me with my misguided soldier mindset. I felt shame sitting there listening to Ana, because I hurt her really bad emotionally and she was praying for me. A true prayer warrior I tell you. 😊

I asked Ana why would she even consider praying that long off and on and she simply said to me God had shown her, that no Soulja on the battlefield should be left behind. Ana, also said she knew she couldn’t change me but She knows Yahweh and His powers can change me if I was willing to allow His powers and His living Word the opportunity to transform me. I was amazed by her faith.

By February 2018 I filed for divorce and by April 2018 divorce was granted same day as I attended court. The clerk called us both up before the court hearing started and had noticed our court case was the only case from 2018 the rest were from 2017 because court back logging issues. Then the clerk said to me you must know someone higher up and I replied I do His name is Yahweh and the clerk smiled then relooked at my case and said I believe you because there is no extra paperwork where a higher court official signed off on the case to push it this fast. Then the clerk said to us both if, both parties are in agreement you can sign this paper to waive the 21 days and become divorced today if granted we both signed and I became a divorced man walking out of the court room.

After some time went by being divorced I asked Ana, if she would consider dating again because I really missed her over the years… To my surprise she said Yes and she also said to me at the time she had a major stroke 5 years prior and the stroke took her ability to read. Ana, desired to know Yahweh but that issue of reading got in the way so I said I would read the bible to her and teach her. (Extra content) I and Ana’s song below.

As time pressed onward after the divorce my ex-wife became jealous of my and Ana’s relationship so my ex-wife started trouble through a lie campaign against me… My ex-wife got ahold of Ana, and told Ana, I was cheating on Ana, with my ex-wife. Unfortunately Ana, started to have flash backs of when we were teenagers and how we broke up then because of my cheating ways back then… Ana, had a hard time believing me and we ended up breaking up. I truly became very angered by this aspect and I asked God to vindicate me because it was truly lies but the lies kept coming and I felt abandon by God. Here I am divorced with a woman I spent 19 years with and now I lost Ana, as my girlfriend as well.

Life couldn’t get any worse at least I thought. About 2 weeks after Ana, took me back we rode the public transit system and while waiting for the bus a man I knew through my ex-wife pulled out a knife with my back turned towards him and he threw his arm forward and just as I felt the tip of knife on my back the mans friend pulled him back stating I don’t care if you know that man leave him alone he has done nothing to you and doesn’t deserve to be stabbed about 1 minute later our bus came and I was shook to the core. I and Ana, considered getting off at the next bus stop to walk back to the bus stop to call the cops but I could clearly see the man was having a rough day and I decided to have mercy and let the matter go because no blood was drawn.

Hours later I and Ana, were at the mall and we sat down and talked and Ana, said R3ign I noticed when you make bold moves for Yahweh bad things happen like this. Ana, also stated she noticed a pattern. I got to thinking about what Ana, said I started to reflect deeply and I too, started to notice a pattern as well. Clearly satan was afraid because I was growing stronger towards Yahweh and this meant only one aspect to satan the stronger the relationship between I and Yahweh grew the more stronger my calling would become so satan was trying to take me out early before that happen.

2019 I decided My life was Too Messy To Serve Yahweh

Early onward during 2019 the anger and bitterness got the best of me and I started to fall away from God and then I would find myself crawling back at this time frame the website was called Soulja 4 Christ and I was faking my faith walk with Yahweh and Ana, approached me asking did I believe God was happy with what I was doing by mid 2019 God approached me pleading for me to change but I ignored Yahweh’s request then 2 weeks before 2020 Yahweh approached me and said enough is enough you can read about it in part 1 of the 2 part post.

It is Now 2020

Since January 2020 I have been working hard to not fall back into my old lifestyle and covid happen igniting my calling that God told me about a little during 2018. I would say 2020 has been the hardest year for me because as I make bold moves for the Kingdom of Yahweh the devil has been trying to stop me. A few months back just before covid I was crossing at the crosswalk with Ana, we had the right away and a car showed up real fast and blew through the stop sign I pushed Ana towards the other end of the street and she screamed Jesus protect my boyfriend.

The car was moving even faster by now and when the car got close to me the driver pressed the brake but the car was taking to long to stop. But as the car came within 1 inch of my knee cap the car had stopped like it hit an invisible brick wall the people pumping gas at the gas station witnessed the matter and some of those individuals said that is not possible for the car to stop like that the car should have hit you then stopped about 3 feet away according to how physics work. I simply said Jesus Christ has the power to make the impossible possible and those individuals were left scratching their heads as the car speeded off. Between the attempted stabbing and the car event it is truly Yahweh why I am here writing this post. An extra tidbit about Ana, noticing a pattern with satan just moments before the car event I was talking to a stranger at the gas station and I lead that person to Jesus Christ by spending time talking with them and leading them through a repent prayer, Oh I bet the devil hated that aspect of my obedience.

My final Words

Here it is May, 5 months into 2020 and I am not the person I was even 1 yr ago and I do believe months from now I will be even more different for I can sense healing and changes taking place within. Most of my life I spent thinking God (Yahweh) hated me and yet even throughout life even when I was deep in sin God loved me and protected me. I am excited to see what God has instore for this website via content but more importantly I am real excited out of obedience unto Yahweh to be a part of a life movement that truly can transform a persons life. I say this because I am living proof of that aspect especially when an individual like myself accepts those lifestyle changes through the living Word of God.

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7 Comments

  1. What a powerful testimony.
    Not only does GOD love you but HE also gave you a godly woman who never stopped praying for you all these years.
    That is so amazing!!!
    Who can say that he or she is soooooo loved?!?!!
    I hope you will allow me to remind you that GOD is a lover and protector of marriage and family and that HE wants you to do what you should have done when you were 17… ask her!
    You will see how GOD will take both your lives to the next level when you do right and stop living in sin.
    GOD bless you, my brother!

    1. Hello Eva, thank you for stopping by and for your comment. Ana, had a major stroke 6 years ago ( I haven’t been in her life for those 6 years either) and she is now receiving survivor benefits because she cannot work anymore because of the stroke.

      Ana, has a house payment to attain and marrying her at this point will make us both homeless. because my income alone will not sustain rent for an apartment and bills plus living costs. let alone at this point the house payment plus bills and living costs.

      Yahweh doesn’t want me to make the situation worse by marrying her then ending up on the streets. I have prayed to Yahweh countless times about this situation and I am going to follow Yahweh’s timing and plans to strengthen my income so I can take on the financial responsibilities

      Before covid I was going forth with plans to make my income level higher because if I marry her she looses her income according to Social security rules about survivor benefits because at that point Ana, is no longer seen by social security as a single grown child receiving survivor benefits.

      We sleep in separate rooms and sustain from sexual encounters. Now that covid is happening my goals are still to strengthen my finances. Covid has made that aspect harder to complete so I can take her on as a wife and take on the house payment and the bills plus living costs. My goal is to have her as my wife. but at this point not an option but, I am working with Yahweh non stop to change that aspect.

      You should be careful saying judgemental things when you don’t know the whole picture like Yahweh does.

      Like

      1. I understand that it has not been easy for you and Ana and I meant to encourage, not to judge (only JESUS will and has the right to judge us all, at least that’s what I believe).
        Since getting married to her seems to be what you, too, want, I pray that GOD will make a way and that HE will remove all those seemingly unsurmountable obstacles, because nothing is too hard for HIM.
        GOD bless you and Ana.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hello Eva, thank you for the follow up clarification I wasn’t angered by your comment and I apologize if my reply came across that way.

        I was just trying to explain the situation and encourage to not put the word sin in a comment without knowing a persons situation…

        Quoted for context

        You will see how GOD will take both your lives to the next level when you do right and stop living in sin.

        I felt hurt and attacked by the sin aspect in your comment and it did bring me to tears… But I understand where you were coming from now!

        I do have a deep passion to live for the Lord Almighty and I agree the aspect of marriage is very important before Yahweh, hence why important to I and Ana, as well.

        I appreciate you clarifying it is hard to know where a person is coming from via text compared to talking in person. I too dislike the fact I cannot make a honest woman of her right now. We both appreciate your prayers. I believe Yahweh will come through. 😊

        Thank you, Eva, I have been reading your blog posts and they have encouraged me in many aspects… I love the boldness you bring to your writings. My and Ana’s, hopes are you are well through this covid… Please feel free to stop by and comment as you like… I look forward to future interactions via here and your website as well.

        Sincerely
        Mike aka R3ign
        Reaching 3veryone In Godz Nationz

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yahweh is so faithful. When we give ourselves to him, no one can snatch us out of his hand. His lovingkindness towards us leads us to repentance. R3ign, it is amazing how Yahweh keeps us and draws us back to him.

    Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, Amen! to that. Yahweh is so good all the time. I recently thought to myself why did I run for so long when having a relationship with Yahweh is this awesome.

      I know deeply it was out fear failing Yahweh, But according to the bible we have all fall short of His glory (Romans 3:23) and that is what took care of the fear of failing Yahweh and feeling that Yahweh would have rejected me in-return…

      Thank you Pure glory for stopping by and for your insightful comment.

      Liked by 1 person

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