Journal Entry: Public Prayer To Abba

I decided to write this public prayer to hopefully inspire others to open up to the Lord and let it be 100 (💯) to display how to be real with God.

Abba, (Father) I’m trying my best to continue to operate through faith with action because Lord you say faith without actionable faith is consider dead before you Abba. (James 2:26) Oh Lord, I pour my heart out trying to provide content here at Soulja of Hope that encourages others to know your Son Jesus Christ, Oh Father the readers don’t see the struggles and battles I face to follow you Lord. Abba, I know the devil hates the fact I turned my back on him it is like a modern Saul turned to Paul situation. Lord I come across this video today on YouTube and as you know Lord how this man speaks in the video is how I have been feeling lately (I’ll Explain Below)

Oh, Father you know my past of quitting a bunch of times. Oh Father I know this is NOT an option this time around because souls matter to you Father so they now matter to me also. The more I share here the harder the devil comes at me… Lord I’m sorry I questioned this morning if I was on the right pathway. Oh Father, you are so good to your children I say this because I asked you in my private pray to you this morning if I was going down the right pathway with my God given calling and a website (there post link opens in new tab or window) I’m not following via the WP.com reader was displayed in the reader today answering the very question I asked you Father, If, I was on the right pathway and that post answered my question and inspired me to push harder for you Father.

Oh, father I am so so, sorry I had a doubt moment. Father you know the heartaches I have endured in life and I am trying by best to trust you Abba, but I am finding that to be hard at times. Oh Father, you know the tears I shed lately as I write posts for the S.o.H platform. Father I do have a deep desire to display unto others that you can change an ex-gang-banger and ex-satanist I’m trying to lead by example for you Yahweh. Oh Lord I feel like crying right now because the devil has my mind twisted lately having me questioning my life here on earth. All I want to do is please you Father but I feel I have been failing lately because I’m cracking under the stress and pressure. I’ve tried to give the stress to you Lord, then something comes up reminding me and I go back into self sabotage mode and at this point I cannot figure out why I am doing such Lord.

Oh Father lately the demons have been reminding me of whom I use to be, Oh the readers don’t know until now but over 20 yrs ago I was standing before the judge facing attempted murder charges and by your grace and your grace alone Lord the judge placed me on 1 1/2 yrs of probation Lately the demons have been whispering in my mind the following

How can you turn your back on your father satan you know all the sinful things you have done in the past. You even tried to murder a person over 20 yrs ago. Up until 5 months ago you really didn’t care about souls. You didn’t love them like Jesus. Why now the change?. Come back and you will begin to see fast results in your life like you have seen in the past. Choose the power of darkness and I raage will take care of you… Keep turning your back against satan and we will rise against your mind and get you to quit writing for that dumb worthless website.

Abba, I’ve been trying very hard to wear the Armor of God, but I’m finding that to be hard at times because I have feed the flesh side of me for so many years that side of me is gaining strength again. Oh Lord please help me raise the spirit side of me to be stronger… This is life or death with the flesh side of me Lord. There is a war going on in the background and when I seek you Abba, you are quiet for the most part is this a test? Because if it is I’m struggling to pass it.. I need more of your wisdom to conquer this battle but at this point struggling to understand your wisdom better Father.

Oh father I’m struggling to understand how to apply certain scriptures in the bible to my daily life, please help me Father by unlocking my mind to understand how to apply more scripture to my life daily. Father I feel discouraged because I have the vision in my mind about Soulja of Hope but I’m having a hard time conveying that vision message for others to know. This is why I’m questioning if i’m on the right pathway with my God Given calling. Oh Father I need encouragement right now from you Father. I’ve been listening to the song below to be encouraged but I find myself just crying because I am worn and I am confused right now. Lord Please help me amen.

I forgot to mention above Father please Father respond so I can be encouraged by you Father and the readers can read your reply in a near future post Amen.

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4 Comments

  1. My brother,

    I hear you.

    If you read my testimony, you will know that I, too, have come out of darkness, rescued by JESUS – and when we leave the devil, that’s when the battle truly begins and he absolutely hates to let anyone go!

    What I believe would help you in this phase is to switch the realm of your battle… you are trying to reason and understand and battle with logic and with your mind at the moment, at least that’s my take… but the devil is smarter than we all are and I don’t know if this will make any sense to you or help you, just know that I have been asking GOD how I could help you with my experience, this is not to preach to you or teach you, these are suggestions coming from love for a brother and from compassion for someone fighting similar battles to mine:

    What I hear for you is “be still!”
    Be still and know that I am GOD, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exhalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10
    Psalms
    Praise

    There are phases in battle when we are too intensely attacked to even understand much of the bible passages, then, there is only one thing that can calm me down, can stop my mind from running and can shut the devil up:
    reading psalms out loud and praising, singing, dancing – like king David, dancing, singing… this is the way to win!
    There is even a song about it and I have been listening to this song for months over and over again:

    I hope this will help you.

    There is more…
    From what I found, when GOD refuses to effectively protect us, it means that there is some sin left in our lives, something HE wants us to get rid of… some idols… me, I had to throw away a lot of my clothes, had to delete all the music I listened to, had to get rid of almost all my books worth a lot of money, all my teaching videos… some clothes as well… don’t know if any of that rings true…?

    And fasting.
    When we fast, we become stronger and the devil is weakened and the attacks ease down almost immediately – and I know what I am talking about, because the devil told me that he would never let me go…
    GOD will make something beautiful out of you, I know it!

    Take heart, my brother.
    This is training, nothing more.
    You have already won.
    The devil is a liar and a loser.
    You are a child of GOD now.
    There is nothing the devil can do against it or do to you any longer – all he can is pretend.
    JESUS is LORD!

    GOD bless you my brother.
    Eva

    Liked by 1 person

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