Journal Entry 007: Jesus I’m Sorry

Welcome to Soulja of Hope, I’m your host Nico,
My hopes are the content is helpful to you in some way.

Message To All

Hello! if you have landed on this post I truly believe it was no coincidence, I truly believe it was a divine appointment by God (Yahweh) Himself. Because Christ Jesus, truly desires to have a relationship with you! My hopes are by opening up and sharing the rawness here it helps you come to know how much Christ Jesus, truly desires you and loves you!

Note from Author Nico, This journal post is raw but I am sharing in the raw format because I am obeying the Holy Spirit with hope that the rawness will display that Christ Jesus is NOT waiting for any individual to try and get their life straight before they ask Christ Jesus to be apart of their life.

This raw journal entry is a journal entry that tells the true story that Christ Jesus is waiting upon each individual to come to the realization that coming before the Throne of God admitting the dirtiness (sin) within each of us, is the ingredients that allows Christ Jesus to cleanse us with His Holy Righteous perfect blood that was shed on the cross for mankind. John 3:16

2020 was a rough year for many because of covid but covid was only a small portion of the rough spots I went through in 2020 I let nay-sayers divert my God given dreams because I let their words get to me and linger within my mind and I got ghosted by some religious folks because I wouldn’t convert to their way of thinking and I let that matter get even deeper within my mind and linger within my mind as well

2021 started out rough as well being on bed rest due to a broken leg and the issues from 2020 and the broken leg in 2021 bitter me from within. About almost 2 months ago I had to say to myself enough is enough and remove the negativity I allowed to linger within my mind to be thrown out of my mind.

A few days ago I wrote on Facebook and the S.o.H blog that my mindset had to change it has not been easy at all. I’m just starting to discover my true identity through Christ Jesus and it is painful to recognize the elements of the past me so I can move forward and let go of the flesh side of me to start living through the spirit side me like the bible teaches.

Galatians 5:16 ESV
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

I am very sorry to the people I have wronged in life and I forgive the individuals that have wronged me in life. Moving forward I got to learn to trust that Christ Jesus is my true leader and the true author of my true God given identity I cannot let the nay-sayers or any individuals that may not like that fact I am trying to change stop me anymore. My focus has to be solely upon Christ Jesus only, and I am currently struggling with this aspect at times.

The issue I am struggling with the most is the war within me, The inner war of me, myself & I, this inner war aspect has been the battle that strongly still lingers within my mind. This is where I am currently stuck because as the human side of us we become our own assassin within our own thoughts. For many years now I have tried to take down the flesh side of me thinking with the mindset I know myself the best. This is a major error on my end because God (Yahweh) knows me even better and the reason I am losing the battle within to fight the flesh side of me is because I have not fully surrounded myself over to Christ Jesus, until now like I should have done long before now, because of trust issues from years of mistreatment by others and the let downs I allowed to continue to linger within my mind.

I’m currently seeking to change this aspect in my life daily with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The battle within has become even more real now because the flesh side of me has detected that the spirit side of me has risen up to fight back. The issue at hand is I allowed the flesh side of me to be feed for far too long and it has become strong because of that aspect. The spirit side of me is not as strong as the flesh side of me but that truly doesn’t matter as long I believe upon my weakness that God’s strength will prevail. The pivotal point to this matter at hand is I got to learn to trust deeper upon God and allow God to fight the battles I am too weak to fight on my own.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Final Thoughts

I know scripture but trusting the scripture in a manner that is implemented into my daily life has become the struggle because of trust issues… (I am currently addressing such matter with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and scripture) I will never win the battle against the flesh side of me if I don’t act upon by allowing God to have all of me through surrendering the whole aspect of me instead just part of me as I have been guilty of for many years now.

Edited after publication by Nico, to add the following message below I forgot to add before publication.
To everyone God truly desires to have a meaningful relationship with you but you first got to be willing to admit you are in need of Christ Jesus, before the desire will begin to grow within you to seek within you after wanting Christ Jesus as part of your daily life. My hopes by being real in this journal entry helps you become real with yourself to the point of self examination so you can come to your Jesus moment were you seek Christ Jesus to start to live out the life that God desires for each of you.

If you would like to start or repair a relationship with Christ Jesus then I invite you check out the Jesus Loves You! page there is a written prayer that will help you out. ☺

For God So Loved the World John 3:16 ESV
16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

Recent Posts By Nico,

Thank you for stopping by to read the latest content entry. I would really like to hear your thoughts on this subject and welcome you, to write them in the comment section.

God Bless!

Nico, (Lead Author)


  1. Amen, brother! Thank you for your openness and honesty! I am praying for you and I pray the Lord blesses you for giving Him your whole heart! Praying also that many come to Jesus through your testimony. This encourages me to keep fighting strong as a soldier of Christ! God bless you, brother!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Ryan, You’re welcome! I am blessed and thankful to hear that the post encouraged you to keep souljaiing up especially when the battles can be hard at times. It is great we (all) can rest assure in God’s assurance that He will help each of us. through each battle that comes forth

      Isaiah 41:10

      “10 fear not, for I am with you;
      be not dismayed, for I am your God;
      I will strengthen you, I will help you,
      I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10”

      God bless brother!


      Liked by 1 person

  2. Father God thank you for providing the encouragement to post this raw journal entry. Father God thank you for remaining in my life even when I choose to run from you out of fear of trusting you Lord, Christ Jesus is the reason I was released from hell and I surrender myself to you Lord as my only true leader! Lord I seek for your guidance to move forward with a deeper relationship with my true Savior and King. Jesus you saved me from hell and for many years I have been on the run. I am very sorry for my chosen action to run from you instead of choosing to embrace you… Jesus here I am use me as a willing servant how ever you see fit I am imitating the hope you give all as our truest Soulja of Hope. Amen!

    Liked by 1 person

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